I became a mother one extremely hot morning, on the very last day in May of 1994,
I was 17 years old and I thought I knew it all about the magic of motherhood and the care of a newborn baby. I had attended the proper classes that the state required of me, and had learned how to feed, diaper, and generally care for the alien that had taken over my size 10 teenage body.
What I didn't know... was everything else.
I can remember everything about that day... from the beginnings of labor to the moment they finally put that squirming former rib kicker into my arms. That was when the first lightening bolt of motherhood hit me, right in the gut and the heart, all at the same time.
That little man filled the empty that had been inside of me for so long.
That empty was the reason he was here in this world, looking at me with those big eyes and holding on to my finger with his tiny little hand.
Those were the things a class never taught me.
No one told me that I would love this 8 pound 14 ounce bouncing baby boy more than life its self, even though we had only just met.
London * Born May 31st 1994 * 3:21 am
That little boy in the photo above taught me my most important life lessons.
Through him I learned who I was and what I wanted to be.
We grew up together he and I.
His wings are almost fully grown now, and in a few short days he will walk across a stage and accept his high school diploma, and then in the couple of weeks following, he will turn 18. No longer that sweet bundle of baby above.
The realization of true "motherhood" hit this morning as I drove home from Will Rogers World Airport, tears streaming down my cheeks and a passenger seat that had been filled by an ubber excited singing teen only 45 minutes prior, now empty and the car silent.
Motherhood is made up of so many things... and I assume its different things for different people, but to me, this morning at 5:30 A.M. motherhood hit me again like a lightening bolt.
MY motherhood is made up of lullabies and butterfly kisses, of singing Winnie the Pooh into my answering machine so that a sweet 2 year old boy could sit and listen to my voice through the phone when he was on visitation away from me, and to worried to fall asleep.
Its calming my curly haired Critter down when his feelings get out of control and he cant hold everything in...
Its spending hours staring at the most beautiful little girl I have ever laid eyes upon... its been 8 years now and my eyes still cant get enough!
Its supporting a decision to enter the United States Air Force because my son has a dream to make some change in this crazy world and who am I to stop him.
Its being there through skinned knees and broken hearts, winning soccer games and football championships... first days of school, first cars, wrestling matches, pillow fights... I could go on & on...
Its about teaching them that no matter the differences between them and the people they meet, hate is NEVER an option...
Its about realizing that God, or whoever created these people chose me to help them grow and love, and what an honor to have!
Its about realizing that no matter how much my heart aches at the idea that their wings are sprouting and soon each will have flown on to their very own adventures... I have to trust that I gave them the foundation they needed... and to understand that as long as I am alive I will be here to teach them and love them.
Austin 8yrs* Cj 3yrs* Bella 2months* London 10yrs
I'm a mother of 4 now... and each little person has changed me in such an amazing way. And with each one I have learned a little bit more about this journey of motherhood, and about myself.
There are so many things I would do over... and so many things I would stop and take in... small moments with each of them that seemed to have passed me by so quickly...
But the one thing I pray they each take with them is that I would go to the ends of the earth so that they know how much I love them...
Happy Mothers Day dear friends!
With all my love,
Tawny
P.S.
I was planning this Mothers Day to bring you a post in which I waxed extremely poetically about my own mother and all of the things that make her amazing and wonderful in my eyes, you know... the very typical Mothers Day post. But then I decided if you want to know how I really feel about my dear mummsie~poo you could just read about it HERE. Cuz she IS pretty amazing... as are all the other women who have made me who I am today!
Do you know the in the movie Fight Club where the main character moves into the old abandoned house and finds the previous tenants journals, and they all read crazy like...
"I am Jacks over exaggerated imagination..."
or "I am Jacks swollen pituitary gland..." {ewwww.}
This is how MY crazy journal would read...
"I am Tawny's dead laptop..." "I am Tawny's continual migraine..." "I am Tawny's ridiculously complicated mess of a website..." "I am Tawny's sleepless nights..." "I am Tawny's narcissistic need of technology..." "I am Tawny's newish computer..."
Are you getting the idea??
Why do machines run our life?!?!
And why do we let them?
I should have know the end was nigh for my little laptop friend a few months back when all the over heating and typing issues started... I mean really who can blog, or facebook, or fix insanely messed up code on a really stupid website thatmakesyouwanttorunaandscreamand {oops! sorry about that... my emotions got away with me! ;) }
Where was I..? Oh yes, who can do all the things one needs to do on a daily basis with a computer overheating every 5 minutes and the G & H keys not working... it was like I was a stuttering hillbilly every-time I typed. "I am Tawny's neglected education..."
So now that things are getting back on track... "I am Tawny's giant sigh of relief..." I can get back to life! As soon as I get all my pictures, and documents, and every other piece of vital Corrente information from the poor dead laptop to my newish super computer... "I am Tawny's giant time suck..."
So get ready for LOTS {and I mean lots} of new posts from me... because I have about a billion new posts ready for you!
